I know it might surprise some of you that I have something bad to say about the Catholic Church, but I do. It's not even the teachings of the church that bother me! I love my God and I agree with the church. I am on fire for Jesus and nothing can stop me. My problem is with the people in it.
It seems like the different organizations within the church have made cliques with each other over the years. The problem is that I'm in my 20s and so these cliques were already created and there is apparently no room for me.
The only time someone even comes up to me and says "hey, how are you?" it's immediately followed with "do you think you could do (blank)?" Seriously?! Do people only care about what others can do for their benefit and not for the actual person anymore?!
It seems like every time I've reached out to people they're either too busy or they say "yeah, we need to hang out. I'll let you know about that this week" and two months later you're the one contacting them!
I'm in the way. People often wonder why I want to move away. It's honestly because I don't have a place here. I'm tired of having secular friends who poke fun at me and make my life difficult. I'm sick of having to stay strong.
I'm finally starting to find peace in my personal life with God and all I want is to have friends that I can share that with. Friends who understand the best part of my life. Yet somehow whenever I try to get involved with someone it seems I'm always turned down and shunned away. I'm getting sick of being hurt.
I'm not girly enough to be kept in the loop with the ladies. They don't seem to want to accept me and I feel that they're emotionally trying to push me away.
The guys I feel like I have to tiptoe around because I don't want them to mistake kindness and my desperation for friendship, to come across as anything more. They can probably tell because they stay away from me.
My family wonders why I don't hang out with people from NET but they've become such a tight knot group that they don't seem to let others into their circle. I get it, they share a powerful experience. Yet, I'm still an outcast.
People from church wonder why I haven't hooked up with CCO, but to be honest I've been trying for 3 years. It's almost impossible. Unless you know the people on CCO, you'll never find them on campus because they're just sitting amongst the general student body and there is no way to tell them apart.
I've never done retreats because I was always the kid who was left on the sidelines by myself and no one would bother with. If I forced myself to join in with a group, I felt like a nuisance, or a burden. I never felt welcome.
I'm so busy trying to take care of me, that I don't even have time to really think about a guy in my life. All I want right now is Christian fellowship. I want real friends. I want friends who understand.
Apparently that is too much to ask.
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