Chamberfest Week 1

Well my first week of working Chamberfest has been absolutely incredible! So many incredible things. Some I could talk about, others I can't talk about, but all of them absolutely wonderful! When I was first given this job, I had so many people wishing me good luck and telling me that I was brave for taking this job, needless to say I became slightly concerned that I was in over my head. While I've had some very frustrating moments, none lasted very long and for the most part this has been the most incredible experience yet! I'm getting the opportunity to make some very wonderful friends and meet some absolutely amazing musicians! It's been quite the experience!

It took me a few days to get my staff pass (so that people didn't look at me funny when I tried walking into a concert without a ticket), and I only found my office today (I've just been setting up shop in the church kitchen to do my work before now). And I've finally gotten the hang of how to get from one festival venue to the next even with all the construction downtown and the one way streets (things that a country girl should never be forced to worry about!) I've also figured out all the restaurants and coffee shops in the area. It only took a week but I think I've got it now.

There are concerts and talks and events going on at all hours of the day and night, it's amazing! Over 100 concerts in 2 weeks! Seriously, calculate that, it's a lot!

So while this festival has been one massive joy ride, that's not the only thing that's turning my life upside down. I'm also not living at home for the duration of this festival. I'm also not in a house where there are parents at all. I'm staying at a friends house while his parents are away in Sweden. I'm also not the only one staying there, another friend of ours is also living in the house for a few days. Suddenly we're living in a 2 story, 5 bedroom house with a huge backyard and an in-ground pool and we are the adults. It's like a bunch of university students getting a luxury apartment together! It's been pretty neat. Some night's we'll have friends over to swim or play video games and cards, and it's really nice.

Also, there are times where we've started running the house like we're a family. Today one of the boys who lives at the house (16 years old) had an appointment that he needed to go to, and his brother was gone to work. The other friend of ours living in the house and myself started comparing schedules and figuring out who would bring him to his appointment, we started figuring out when everyone will be home for dinner tonight, and just altogether started sounding like a married couple with a 16 year old kid. It was sad but absolutely hilarious!

I even forgot my pass for work today and this friend drove downtown to bring it to me. My boss thought it was pretty funny too.

Needless to say, just everything about this week is becoming quite the experience. It's interesting to see what it would be like to live away from home and have a daily job with long hours. I'm not sure I'm ready for this to be my everyday life just yet, but I like being able to see in this short span of time that I can make it on my own and start getting a feeling for what it would be like.

Chamberfest week 2 - Bring it!!

Tay

Understanding Who I'm Supposed To Be

The past few days have been something truly spectacular to me, I've learned another way that I want to grow in my life. I know I'm always talking on here about growing, and learning where I'm supposed to be, and each time they've been right on the button! This time I'm growing in my femininity, the way that God desires. 

For the past month or so, I've been taking part in Christopher West's DVD series on Theology of the Body, called Freedom To Love. It's been quite eye opening and has made me look at things I had never thought about in my life. In fact, many of the things that I believed growing up were targeted in this series as being the wrong way to look at things. I've slowly begun to change the way that I view my faith, it's been absolutely spectacular! Here's a very small clip from one of the lectures that I would like to share with you:

This past week, we looked at part 4 of 5 in this series, and something hit me. The talk was about morality, and something that he said broke me, he said that almost every woman, by nature, has an overwhelming fear of being abandoned in life. Wow! I felt the wind knocked out of me! That was me! That's been me in every single aspect in my life for as long as I can remember. I broke down and I cried. I was shaking and I was crying and something began working within me. 

After the 50 minute video lecture was finished, our young adults group discussed what the talk had been about together, like we always did. This particular week it was myself, a gentleman that I have known for years from church, and our young seminarian. Our discussions went on to point out different things that stood out to us, and allowed us to expand on the topics that spoke to each of us. 

Our seminarian pointed out to me a few books that are along the lines of what I wanted. What spoke to me was about the importance of true gender roles in life, how men can be men, and women can be women. Under this topic two books were recommended to me, both written by a husband and wife team, John and Stasi Eldredge. One of them is about the true nature of a man's heart and desires called "Wild at Heart" and the other is about a woman's heart, desires and nature called "Captivating". Another important topic to me was how we need both parental roles in our lives to fully develop the way we were meant to, and so we also discussed books that are for our healing from hurts in life, and how to learn to be a well rounded person with only having one parent. Needless to say my reading list for the summer now consists of 13 new books.

Last night I bought "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating". It's apparently good to read both to not only understand how your own mind works, but also to try and help you understand how the other gender things as well. I've started to read "Captivating" already, and I'm having to force myself to read it slow so that I can reflect on it as I'm going and to try and get as much out of it as I can. I'm only in Chapter 1 right now, but there was something written in the introduction that I want to share with you: 

"The mystery of a feminine heart was meant to be a good thing. By the way. A source of joy. Yet it has become a source of shame - women almost universally feel that they are 'too much' and 'not enough.' At the same time. (Which is crazy making.) And men tend to pull away from the deeper waters of a woman's soul, unsure of what they will find there or how to handle it. And so we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman, missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives, missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God." - Stasi

I don't know why, all my life I have desired to be delicate, to be a lady, I wanted to rebel against feminism. Yet society is telling me to be otherwise, they're telling me to be macho and tough like a man. This isn't what I want for myself! God created men to be the stern ones, and women to be the kind and compassionate ones and this is what I want for my life. Not a helpless women who can't do anything for herself, but soft in spirit. I want Mary, the mother of Jesus, to be my example! I want to be like her. 

This book is going to be quite the journey for me and I know that I won't come out the other side as the same person I am now. The way I'm thinking is going to change pretty drastically, and I welcome that with open arms! 

- Tay

The Written Word

It's amazing how often people under estimate the power of the written word, and I do mean written as opposed to typed or spoken/recorded. There's something much more intimate and freeing about something written down. There is power in words.

Durning my faith study the other day I was discussing with my leader how, I write everything down in journals, have for a long time. We began discussing the darker years of my life, and how I have very thing written down in there and still have it to this day. The thought came that I should get the books blessed so that anything dark that I was involved in would become harmless and that it wouldn't have the possibility of something that would linger over my head.

On a brighter note, I've decided to tackle a new project, one that I am keeping very secret but I am extremely excited for. It's a personal project that will involve me writing a lot of things down in one location for future reference. It sounds both incredibly boring and creepy when I say it that way, but it's going to be something magnificent if everything works out to plan.

I guess I'm slowly trying to get away from blogging and typing things up. It's certainly a lot easier to type things up, but there's something enjoyable about being able to look back on all the things that I have written down from years ago. It's quite the gift.

-Tay

3 Year Block

Here is a story: while I was studying for exams, my grandma called me up on the phone saying she wanted to read me a story. Not that unusual really, that's quite common with her. I really didn't care to hear it as I was seriously trying to study but I figured I would humor her and so I told her to go on. As she began reading, tears filled up in my eyes, she was reading a story I had written years ago! I didn't stop her, and I let her go to the end. It was amazing how the rawness of the story still got to me even now, especially because I wrote it myself!

My grandma told me I should publish a lot of the stories that I had written into a collection of short stories. I laughed at the idea because of course grandparents will be biased and encourage their grand kids that way.

Well I've spent the day today pouring over all the silly things I ha written over the years and I feel like there is some good stuff in there. The few pieces I put up on publishing sites came back with glowing reviews and years ago I even was published in an online magazine.

My problem is that I haven't written for the sake of me in almost 3 years. Sure, in high school I had all the time in the world and there was nothing that made me happier than to write, but once University hit, writing became more of a chore. It was homework. I got sick of writing papers and essays that I forgot what it was like to write a story that you were passionate about!

Well my 3 year writers block is finally over! Today I finally picked up a pencil and put it to paper and started to write again. It was only a page long and it just described one scene of something that I may never finish. But the good part is that I'm writing again. I can't ever stop writing.

I must write, in words, in music, in life. I must create and portray messages across any way that I can. Anything that is within me begging to be set free needs to leap out of me and into a page, to be shared with readers and listeners alike.

I can't stop. Ever.