People look at me strange when I tell them that my expactations in life are ever changing. I love to plan 5 steps ahead and I try to plan for every possible outcome. Might seem crazy, but I like to know what every decision I make, could mean for me in the long run.
Well, my plans changed.
I grew up wanting to go on all sorts of adventures, travel to all sorts of new places, meet all sorts of people and just live the dream. Needless to say I'm 23 and that hasn't happened yet, and I no longer think that it will. I'm not giving up on the dreams I had (at least I don't feel like I am) but rather I'm forging new dreams everyday.
Remember that guy I mentioned over a year ago in one of my last posts? Well he turned out to be the one for me and we are getting married in the summer. As big and grand as childhood me's adventures seemed, they're nothing compared to planning my life with this man.
I used to think that marrying a guy meant dinner dates, going out to all sorts of events together and tearing up the town showing him off. But that's not how it works.
Let me tell you about our time together this last week alone. Most of our hang out time has consisted of snuggling on a couch beside a fireplace either taking a nap (today) or watching Spongebob on Netflix with his youngest sibling (all week).
It sounds silly but as I looked around today at the situation I realized just how domestic we really are. And I love it!
I never would have imagined that taking a nap on a couch with someone or watching cartoons, would ever give me such a boost of joy. It feels like a more satisfying adventure than anything else I've ever dreamed of. It's such a small thing but it fills my heart with unbelievable warmth.
I love my litrle adventure, and I look forward to the many more to come.
Well my first week of working Chamberfest has been absolutely incredible! So many incredible things. Some I could talk about, others I can't talk about, but all of them absolutely wonderful! When I was first given this job, I had so many people wishing me good luck and telling me that I was brave for taking this job, needless to say I became slightly concerned that I was in over my head. While I've had some very frustrating moments, none lasted very long and for the most part this has been the most incredible experience yet! I'm getting the opportunity to make some very wonderful friends and meet some absolutely amazing musicians! It's been quite the experience!
It took me a few days to get my staff pass (so that people didn't look at me funny when I tried walking into a concert without a ticket), and I only found my office today (I've just been setting up shop in the church kitchen to do my work before now). And I've finally gotten the hang of how to get from one festival venue to the next even with all the construction downtown and the one way streets (things that a country girl should never be forced to worry about!) I've also figured out all the restaurants and coffee shops in the area. It only took a week but I think I've got it now.
There are concerts and talks and events going on at all hours of the day and night, it's amazing! Over 100 concerts in 2 weeks! Seriously, calculate that, it's a lot!
So while this festival has been one massive joy ride, that's not the only thing that's turning my life upside down. I'm also not living at home for the duration of this festival. I'm also not in a house where there are parents at all. I'm staying at a friends house while his parents are away in Sweden. I'm also not the only one staying there, another friend of ours is also living in the house for a few days. Suddenly we're living in a 2 story, 5 bedroom house with a huge backyard and an in-ground pool and we are the adults. It's like a bunch of university students getting a luxury apartment together! It's been pretty neat. Some night's we'll have friends over to swim or play video games and cards, and it's really nice.
Also, there are times where we've started running the house like we're a family. Today one of the boys who lives at the house (16 years old) had an appointment that he needed to go to, and his brother was gone to work. The other friend of ours living in the house and myself started comparing schedules and figuring out who would bring him to his appointment, we started figuring out when everyone will be home for dinner tonight, and just altogether started sounding like a married couple with a 16 year old kid. It was sad but absolutely hilarious!
I even forgot my pass for work today and this friend drove downtown to bring it to me. My boss thought it was pretty funny too.
Needless to say, just everything about this week is becoming quite the experience. It's interesting to see what it would be like to live away from home and have a daily job with long hours. I'm not sure I'm ready for this to be my everyday life just yet, but I like being able to see in this short span of time that I can make it on my own and start getting a feeling for what it would be like.
That's right our one month anniversary is upon us and I can already tell this will be the longest relationship I will have had. We have our priorities directed in the right way and I have faith that this is meant to be something special.
Tonight my boyfriend DS and I went to adoration together. My uncle was out of town for the weekend and asked if I could do his hour at the adoration chapel, which I had no problem doing. I decided to invite DS along.
It was nice to pray, and read on our own, but then it was nice to pick up the book of intentions and begin praying together out loud for the intentions people wrote down in the book. When we were finished we held hands and we prayed for our relationship together, that God help us to keep Him at the center of all we do and to draw us closer to Him with everything we do together as a couple.
I've always been told "A family that prays together, stays together" and while DS and I aren't family, if this is ever meant to be something permanent, well I can't think of a better way to ring in our first anniversary together than spending it praying together.
While we are both still at the super shy stages together, I hope that there will be many more opportunities in our future for us to just sit down together and pray for each other, for our relationships to God and each other, and to pray for others in our lives, but doing so together.
I like the foot that this relationship is starting out on.
I know it has been a while since I have updated my blog, I guess it goes without saying (especially to anyone that knows me) that I am keeping myself beyond busy this summer. Balancing many jobs, friends, family, and even a new relationship!
God has truly blessed me this past year with all that he has sent my way. The most incredible job opportunities that have the possibility of setting my future in the music industry onto the right path. He gave me the strength to discover who I am, who I want to be, and to identify where I am on that journey and what steps I need to take to get where I am called to go.
But the most incredible blessing I have is the wonderful man that God has allowed to enter my life.
All of the years of finding faults in guys, and honing my skills in identifying what I want and need in a partner and future spouse seem to pay off. When this lovely lad came into my life there wasn't a moment in my mind that I didn't think he was something special. Little did I know that to him, I was apparently just as special!
If anyone knows anything about me, they know that I don't have a history of having super long lasting relationships. Usually about a month give or take a few days. Well I am in that one month time window now, and as our first anniversary approaches, all I can think of is to keep thanking God for the wonderful blessing he has given me.
I'm telling you guys, God knows what he's doing, that's for sure!
The past few days have been something truly spectacular to me, I've learned another way that I want to grow in my life. I know I'm always talking on here about growing, and learning where I'm supposed to be, and each time they've been right on the button! This time I'm growing in my femininity, the way that God desires.
For the past month or so, I've been taking part in Christopher West's DVD series on Theology of the Body, called Freedom To Love. It's been quite eye opening and has made me look at things I had never thought about in my life. In fact, many of the things that I believed growing up were targeted in this series as being the wrong way to look at things. I've slowly begun to change the way that I view my faith, it's been absolutely spectacular! Here's a very small clip from one of the lectures that I would like to share with you:
This past week, we looked at part 4 of 5 in this series, and something hit me. The talk was about morality, and something that he said broke me, he said that almost every woman, by nature, has an overwhelming fear of being abandoned in life. Wow! I felt the wind knocked out of me! That was me! That's been me in every single aspect in my life for as long as I can remember. I broke down and I cried. I was shaking and I was crying and something began working within me.
After the 50 minute video lecture was finished, our young adults group discussed what the talk had been about together, like we always did. This particular week it was myself, a gentleman that I have known for years from church, and our young seminarian. Our discussions went on to point out different things that stood out to us, and allowed us to expand on the topics that spoke to each of us.
Our seminarian pointed out to me a few books that are along the lines of what I wanted. What spoke to me was about the importance of true gender roles in life, how men can be men, and women can be women. Under this topic two books were recommended to me, both written by a husband and wife team, John and Stasi Eldredge. One of them is about the true nature of a man's heart and desires called "Wild at Heart" and the other is about a woman's heart, desires and nature called "Captivating". Another important topic to me was how we need both parental roles in our lives to fully develop the way we were meant to, and so we also discussed books that are for our healing from hurts in life, and how to learn to be a well rounded person with only having one parent. Needless to say my reading list for the summer now consists of 13 new books.
Last night I bought "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating". It's apparently good to read both to not only understand how your own mind works, but also to try and help you understand how the other gender things as well. I've started to read "Captivating" already, and I'm having to force myself to read it slow so that I can reflect on it as I'm going and to try and get as much out of it as I can. I'm only in Chapter 1 right now, but there was something written in the introduction that I want to share with you:
"The mystery of a feminine heart was meant to be a good thing. By the way. A source of joy. Yet it has become a source of shame - women almost universally feel that they are 'too much' and 'not enough.' At the same time. (Which is crazy making.) And men tend to pull away from the deeper waters of a woman's soul, unsure of what they will find there or how to handle it. And so we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman, missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives, missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God." - Stasi
I don't know why, all my life I have desired to be delicate, to be a lady, I wanted to rebel against feminism. Yet society is telling me to be otherwise, they're telling me to be macho and tough like a man. This isn't what I want for myself! God created men to be the stern ones, and women to be the kind and compassionate ones and this is what I want for my life. Not a helpless women who can't do anything for herself, but soft in spirit. I want Mary, the mother of Jesus, to be my example! I want to be like her.
This book is going to be quite the journey for me and I know that I won't come out the other side as the same person I am now. The way I'm thinking is going to change pretty drastically, and I welcome that with open arms!
So as I'm sure some people know, I'm an oboist, which means I play the oboe. It's a classical instrument that plays a lot of baroque music. Not very popular today outside of accompaniment in orchestras now a days. Also, if you choose to play a piece meant for oboe you're pretty much guaranteed to be playing it with piano accompaniment.
Well it's time for something new. I had some great chats with some of my classmates tonight while we were all put at the bar, because where else would musicians hang out?
The idea of jazz oboe came up and it seems pretty interesting, a lot of my classmates seem pretty interested in hearing it and want me to give it a try, even willing to help me get better at it.
The second awesome idea was that I wanted to play something that had accompaniment other than piano, so even if that meant doing a few oboe studies/duets and having a guitarist playing the other part. Lucky me, I found someone who is willing to give it a shot. I'm looking forward to trying something new in that way. Oboe and guitar should be a pretty combination.
It's time to branch out from my comfortable circle of music and get more passionate about playing more often and trying new and more interesting styles.
I'm really looking forward to this. Should be good.
It's amazing how often people under estimate the power of the written word, and I do mean written as opposed to typed or spoken/recorded. There's something much more intimate and freeing about something written down. There is power in words.
Durning my faith study the other day I was discussing with my leader how, I write everything down in journals, have for a long time. We began discussing the darker years of my life, and how I have very thing written down in there and still have it to this day. The thought came that I should get the books blessed so that anything dark that I was involved in would become harmless and that it wouldn't have the possibility of something that would linger over my head.
On a brighter note, I've decided to tackle a new project, one that I am keeping very secret but I am extremely excited for. It's a personal project that will involve me writing a lot of things down in one location for future reference. It sounds both incredibly boring and creepy when I say it that way, but it's going to be something magnificent if everything works out to plan.
I guess I'm slowly trying to get away from blogging and typing things up. It's certainly a lot easier to type things up, but there's something enjoyable about being able to look back on all the things that I have written down from years ago. It's quite the gift.
The season of Lent is upon us once again, and it is that time of year where we put away foolish things and strive to become closer to Jesus.
All my life I've tried to do something drastic and very difficult for lent, from giving up meat (the one food group I actually like), to giving up television (which is ALWAYS on in the background, to the hardest one last year, I gave up Facebook. I realized the amount of time I wasted on Facebook just took away from my productivity, and made me generally miserable. It was an addiction that I needed to break.
While most years I try to do something different, I really think that leaving Facebook for 40 days is the most challenging thing I've ever done for lent, and I've decided that I'm going to take another running stab at it.
After Easter of last year, it was amazing how free I felt from my addiction to browsing on Facebook. I've come to the realization that it is just as bad now as it was this time last year, and that somehow I had become dependent on it once again.
It was a real learning experience for me and so I believe that it is time for me to do this challenge for a second year in a row.
As well, I want to make a promise myself to use my free time to try and at least twice a week, spend some time in discernment of what God has planned for my life. Perhaps spend more time in Adoration.
This is an opportunity to get closer to God and to take a step away from all the things I've been wasting my time with.
Have you ever noticed that once you really like someone, it's like every other guy out there is suddenly interested in you. It's the same for guys, that once they start liking someone, suddenly they find out all these girls like them.
Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. Suddenly all these guys in my university program have begun to act like complete gentlemen to me and it's adorable. I think it's very sweet. It's just so funny that it comes out at a time where you're emotionally attached to someone else and their attempts seem futile.
There's this one guy in my program who was an absolute gentleman today and to look at him, you would never expect it. This guy is a heavy metal guitarist, long hair, leather jacket, pretty bad ass looking. If I didn't know he was such a sweetie, I'd hate to meet him in a dark alley.
We were heading to grab dinner at the campus bar and I thought we were taking the long way around (where we didn't have to step outside) and everyone else decided going outside was a short cut. I was just going to meet them all there, but before I had a chance to say it, this young gentleman had already taken off his leather jacket and put it around my shoulders. How very sweet.
We all proceeded to have a lovely time at the bar, as people usually do, and when it came time to leave he handed me his jacket again for me to wear.
He's not my type of guy, but it just goes to show that chivalry is not dead, and sometimes you can find it in some of the most unexpected people.
"Tell me have you ever wanted someone so much it hurts. Yeah your lips keep trying to speak but you just can't find the words. I had this dream once, I held it in my arms." - Lady Antebellum, We Owned The Night.
When I first heard this song I thought it was cute, just like every Lady Antebellum song I've ever heard before. I always thought they were cute lyrics that would attract listeners to their abstract ideologies of love.
Now I realize just how true those lyrics really are.
It took me a little longer than as per usual for me to open up to my mom about the way I felt this time around because honestly I felt like an idiot! Wanting someone so much that it hurt. That just seems silly, doesn't it. I had never felt that way about anyone and so when it started happening to me, I was scared to admit it because I thought my friends would laugh.
Well my friends did laugh, but no one in my family did. It seems like every single adult that I've spoken to has been through that in their life. So guess what young people, you laugh now, but it's coming for you!
My family keeps telling me that I've finally found love, which is crazy because I barely know the guy. However it is true that I've never felt this way before. Plus, I hurt. I really, truly, physically hurt because I care about him so much.
I'm not calling it love, because honestly how can you love a person you've just met. That's like believing in love at first sight and that seems silly to me. But I have noticed that there is something remarkably different in the way that I feel for this man.
Needless to say, song lyrics are starting to stand out to me a little more these days.
Who knows what God has in store for me in the future in this. I guess we will have to wait and see.
Exactly one year ago today I got into a car accident. I tried to avoid hitting a car that cut me off and therefore put my car into a 12 foot ditch only meters away from a river bank, missing trees by only a cars length, and doing all this while not having airbags in my car. I would wake up the next morning barely able to get out of bed and using every ounce of strength that I had to crawl up the stairs out of the basement at my friends house that I stayed at overnight and unable to move or breathe properly. I was diagnosed with sever whiplash in my neck and back.
I spent the next 4 months in both physiotherapy and massage therapy while also cutting back to the bare minimum of courses I could take which also included not playing my instrument because I didn't have the strength to hold 5 lbs of pressure on one hand.
I was told I wasn't allowed to run, or workout anymore, I had to quit my boot camp class at the gym and I was told to take it easy, not an easy task for me at the time. As the months went on I was finally aloud to stretch and do certain yoga positions to start getting mobility back in my upper body. I remember how excited I was as I was slowly allowed to add different exercises back into my daily routine.
I've taken it easy all year and I've been careful and attentive to every small pain my body has given to me and not pushed myself too hard ever since out of fear of aggravating the injury.
Today, on the anniversary of my accident I celebrated. I worked out harder than I've ever worked out. I gave all that I had, it hurt to breath, I was dripping with sweat, and I was loving every second of it. It sounds stupid but I felt like crying, I was so happy that I could be doing that again!
I might rest a day or two in between for a while but I'm seeing some intense training days in my future. I'm not likely to do them multiple days in a row for a while, just to make sure I don't get injured again so soon, but it's time to start doing what I love again!
Not a day has gone by so far in 2013 that made me disappointed! Everyday has felt amazing and it's continuing to feel like a fantastic year!
Since we are now 10 days into 2013, I think it's time that I push through to my resolution for the New Year.
My resolution isn't to eat healthier, to go to the gym more often, to go do something, say something, or be a person that I don't actually want to be.
My true resolution is to find happiness. Not fake happiness, or temporary gratification but true happiness. This can only come from doing what needs to be done, growing as a person, and putting my trust in God. No one can give me the happiness I want but they are welcome to be a part of my daily laughter.
Even when you're sad, or depressed, or hurt, you can still be happy as a whole. I'm not saying that my whole year will be perfect, because I know that it won't be. There is going to be times that I will want to kick and scream because of how wrong things are going. But I can always trust that everything will turn out alright in the end.
Overall this will be my best year yet, no more relying on others opinions of me to dictate what I think of myself, no more waiting on my friends to join me on activities that I want to do. It's time to grab life by the horns and just live my life.
I hope you guys find happiness in the upcoming year!
This past year has been a challenge to myself that I didn't falter from. I exceeded so many expectations that others put towards me and that I put towards myself. This past year I stopped accepting what people told me and I started proving people wrong! I hope that 2013 will be another challenge-accepted year for me and that I come out stronger by the end!
People always told me that I was too scared to stand up for myself, that I would put up with people that mistreated me all through high school because I was too afraid to lose friends. Well that changed. I said goodbye to some people I once held dear in my heart simply because I realized that they were never truly friends anyways. I discovered that I would rather be alone than be with people who didn't care.
I did what every child dreams of, and got in with the "popular" crowed at University and just as quickly, I realized how fake they were and could proudly say that I walked away from them all too.
I started acting like an adult, letting my mom know when I would be out instead of asking her if it was ok.
I found the areas in my life that I wasn't happy with and I took steps towards getting help to making changes in my life.
I had a 20 seconds of courage moment in the summer and walked up and talked to complete strangers because I thought they were cute, and I survived total embarrassment in front of them too.
I didn't let that embarrassment bring me down and I surprised myself by doing it again, more than once.
People that my old friends told me I'd never have a chance with, told me they liked me and I've made friends out of.
Guys that my friends told me I would never have the courage to talk to, I've hung out with.
Courses that I was sure I was going to fail going into them, I've passed.
I've stopped letting people walk all over me, I've been working 3 jobs and full time school, and still find the time to volunteer at church.
I spoke to the man who inspired me to become a musician and composer, Howard Shore.
I've stopped relying on people to do things with me, if I want to do them, I've gone alone. Only I am responsible for my own happiness!
I've done so much more in my life this year than anyone ever thought that I would. I survived my first car accident, paid for my own recovery, and made decisions about my life without consulting anyone. It's sad to say that at 21 I finally feel like I grew up a little this year.
So here's to 2013 and all that it holds in store for me. I will exceed my own expectations once again, and I will blow people away with how much I will achieve!
I don't know what it is lately but I've been having such a hard time getting to sleep at night!
I seriously stay up all hours of the night with a million things running through my mind, books I want to read, melodies that need transcribing, scenes or stories that need to be written down, e-mails that need to be sent... The list goes on!
It's not that I'm losing any sleep though, I seem to manage 9 hours a night by simply getting up at noon!
Starting tomorrow I get to re-train myself for school! Yikes. Basically no matter what time I go to bed I need to get up by a certain time so that I will eventually get tired enough that I can start going to bed earlier again.
1 week left of holidays and then the best semester of my life begins! All composition all the time! This will be the make or break to find out of this really is what I want to do for the rest of my life! I'm so excited! It's going to be hard but it's going to be worth it!
Here is a story: while I was studying for exams, my grandma called me up on the phone saying she wanted to read me a story. Not that unusual really, that's quite common with her. I really didn't care to hear it as I was seriously trying to study but I figured I would humor her and so I told her to go on. As she began reading, tears filled up in my eyes, she was reading a story I had written years ago! I didn't stop her, and I let her go to the end. It was amazing how the rawness of the story still got to me even now, especially because I wrote it myself!
My grandma told me I should publish a lot of the stories that I had written into a collection of short stories. I laughed at the idea because of course grandparents will be biased and encourage their grand kids that way.
Well I've spent the day today pouring over all the silly things I ha written over the years and I feel like there is some good stuff in there. The few pieces I put up on publishing sites came back with glowing reviews and years ago I even was published in an online magazine.
My problem is that I haven't written for the sake of me in almost 3 years. Sure, in high school I had all the time in the world and there was nothing that made me happier than to write, but once University hit, writing became more of a chore. It was homework. I got sick of writing papers and essays that I forgot what it was like to write a story that you were passionate about!
Well my 3 year writers block is finally over! Today I finally picked up a pencil and put it to paper and started to write again. It was only a page long and it just described one scene of something that I may never finish. But the good part is that I'm writing again. I can't ever stop writing.
I must write, in words, in music, in life. I must create and portray messages across any way that I can. Anything that is within me begging to be set free needs to leap out of me and into a page, to be shared with readers and listeners alike.
It's such a true statement, "when it rains, it pours." I'm not quite sure what the original context was supposed to be when people started saying it, but for me, today, it's certainly not a good thing.
Today it felt like it one bad thing happened, a million bad things happened!
I suffer from chronic migraines, and I'm on a preventative medication that takes down their frequency and severity, so no more 3-5 migraines a week!
Well today was the first time one had hit in a week and a half (my longest migraine free streak in months!) and it hit me while I was in town. It started as a headache during mass tonight and so after mass I took some Tylenol. I then went to my faith study, and it became a migraine. It was brutal!
I should probably mention that I do not have a car with a working heater (which means no heat, no defrost, nothing). So before I could leave I had to scrape ice off the outside, AND inside of my car windows. My windshield then wanted to keep fogging up and the only way o stop it is to roll down the window and put the fans on full blast (remember its only blowing cold air) I then had to keep a scraper on the passenger seat to keep taking the ice buildup off the inside of the windshield just to get home.
Also, another fun fact. I have this uncommon condition where I break into welts where the cold hits me. It's actually an allergy to cold temperatures much like people who are allergic to the sun. So, in order to keep warm, I had a blanket over me and rapped around my legs to keep me warm. My feet however, still froze.
So when I get home, I'm frozen to pieces and want to hop under my electric blanket, but I have a migraine and want an ice pack on my head, except I'm too cold.
Rough night. My day was good but this night just kinda ruined it all. I will get some sleep tonight, and tomorrow when I'm hopefully migraine free, (and trapped at home because I refuse to take my car anywhere now) I will blog about the good things!
I know it might surprise some of you that I have something bad to say about the Catholic Church, but I do. It's not even the teachings of the church that bother me! I love my God and I agree with the church. I am on fire for Jesus and nothing can stop me. My problem is with the people in it.
It seems like the different organizations within the church have made cliques with each other over the years. The problem is that I'm in my 20s and so these cliques were already created and there is apparently no room for me.
The only time someone even comes up to me and says "hey, how are you?" it's immediately followed with "do you think you could do (blank)?" Seriously?! Do people only care about what others can do for their benefit and not for the actual person anymore?!
It seems like every time I've reached out to people they're either too busy or they say "yeah, we need to hang out. I'll let you know about that this week" and two months later you're the one contacting them!
I'm in the way. People often wonder why I want to move away. It's honestly because I don't have a place here. I'm tired of having secular friends who poke fun at me and make my life difficult. I'm sick of having to stay strong.
I'm finally starting to find peace in my personal life with God and all I want is to have friends that I can share that with. Friends who understand the best part of my life. Yet somehow whenever I try to get involved with someone it seems I'm always turned down and shunned away. I'm getting sick of being hurt.
I'm not girly enough to be kept in the loop with the ladies. They don't seem to want to accept me and I feel that they're emotionally trying to push me away.
The guys I feel like I have to tiptoe around because I don't want them to mistake kindness and my desperation for friendship, to come across as anything more. They can probably tell because they stay away from me.
My family wonders why I don't hang out with people from NET but they've become such a tight knot group that they don't seem to let others into their circle. I get it, they share a powerful experience. Yet, I'm still an outcast.
People from church wonder why I haven't hooked up with CCO, but to be honest I've been trying for 3 years. It's almost impossible. Unless you know the people on CCO, you'll never find them on campus because they're just sitting amongst the general student body and there is no way to tell them apart.
I've never done retreats because I was always the kid who was left on the sidelines by myself and no one would bother with. If I forced myself to join in with a group, I felt like a nuisance, or a burden. I never felt welcome.
I'm so busy trying to take care of me, that I don't even have time to really think about a guy in my life. All I want right now is Christian fellowship. I want real friends. I want friends who understand.
I used to have the most voluptuous hair growing up that I considered it an afro. I spent years wearing my hair up in a pony tail, buns, braids, basically anything I could to try and tame my unruly mane.
As I've grown from a child to an adult, I've begun embracing the wild side of my hair and I've learned to go with the flow! The trick is to be confident and love my hair, no matter what it does!
So are you ready for some big news? My braces are off!
I was so excited that words can't even describe. I took my first photo of myself without braces and I fell in love with how it turned out.
Mom keeps telling me it looks like I'm in a NOS ad but I was actually taking the picture for my friend because we used to have a sushi and NOS date once a week.
Anyways, I'm so happy with it that I just had to share!
So for the past couple weeks I have been going to see a Christian counsellor to try and help me in the different areas of my life that I'm struggling.
My biggest things are the fact that I don't show emotion. Ever! Have you ever watched Star Trek? You know the Vulcans? Yes, that is pretty much me. My emotions are suppressed as far as I can push them and they're destroying relationships.
I also don't find arguments of any kind to be healthy which I found out is actually an unhealthy thought pattern. So I'm going to learn how to have healthy arguments with friends and family.
