Falling Apart

I'm falling apart. I'm thinking back to every bad thing that's ever happened to me. I'm reliving every bad/sad/angry/frustrating/disappointing/hurtful thing that's ever been in my life. I'm losing the friends that I had, I'm fighting with my family, and I'm purposely digging into the deep dark places in my life.

But for the first time ever, I'm embracing it!

Going to counseling was one of the best decisions of my life!

I'm finally looking at why I am the way that I am, what events shaped me into the person I am today, and I'm learning what steps I need to take now to get where I want to be. I'm losing friends because they're not willing to accept that the old me is gone, and they don't want to be around the new me. Their loss. I will get new friends who have greater respect for me, will share more of my aspirations and drive towards accomplishments. I'm fighting with my family because for the first time I'm not keeping my mouth shut, I'm speaking up for myself and learning to be assertive rather than passive.

The people who haven't bothered to stay in touch with me over the summer are in for one big shock when we all get back to school. There are big changes happening, and I think some people are going to be shocked by the new me.

My life is falling apart because I need those raw materials to build up the new me.